Racism exists within us
Shabira Nupur।। Ever since my childhood, I have faced so many struggles because of peoples’ reaction to the dark tone of my skin. I used to be called the ‘black ghost’ by my family and neighbors. I still remember the day one of my uncles came to our house with his wife, and the discussion they had when they saw me. As I sat on our veranda, I listened as they talked about me, without hesitation: “Who will get married to her? She is so dark. She will create a big problem for this family.”
I was just fourteen years old. What was alarming to me was that they were not worried about me, how I was feeling at that moment, or my future. They only cared about my future marriage prospects. In the institution of marriage, women with fair skin are always the preferred choice. Most of our parents never dream of a daughter-in-law with dark skin. Parents always expect their son to marry a woman with fair skin. My mother-in-law actually fainted when she saw me for the first time. As a confident woman, I laughed at her response and still find it funny today when I look back on the fact that I disappointed her with my dark skin. It didn’t take long, however, to build the rapport with each other and now I can say we have a great relationship. In spite of what my family and even my mother-in-law considered a setback – my dark skin tone – I ended up marrying the love of my life, with whom I am happily living with. He respects me for who I am, just as I am. Whether it’s my dark skin. My opinionated, outspoken nature. Being career-driven. My TV binge-watching habits. You name it.
As a young girl, I was very shy. During my school years, I had no friends on whom I could count on as a best friend, and can honestly say that it was because of the way people reacted to my dark skin. My self-confidence was low and I used to even believe myself that I was a ‘black ghost’, and believed people had a good reason not to like me because of that. There were periods of my life when I even used skin-lightening treatments and products, like Fair & lovely, turmeric and other ingredients – anything to make my skin fair. Looking back, I couldn’t believe how far I went to try and make myself look more beautiful, that is, I tried to make myself have the fair skin that people called beautiful.
It took many years to overcome this mindset. It took many years to undo this identity, this label ‘dark ghost’, and to make it into my strength. It took time to gain good friends who I could trust, to know the comfort of true friendship that did not bother with skin color. It was after graduation that I came to a sudden realization that skin color doesn’t determine how beautiful someone is. It didn’t matter as much as people said it did all of these years. I realized that if I don’t have any confidence within myself; if I don’t have self-respect; if I don’t love myself, then I will be destroyed by thinking and believing what other people say about me. If I don’t take charge of my own identity, I give others the space to define me and tell me who I am.
Few years back I went to Tanzania. When my father in law heard about my travel to Tanzania, he quickly replied that ‘I went to right place’. While we often treat these comments as casual, humorous side comments made within households that are moderately acceptable, one cannot deny the strong racial undertones of such language. The fact that such comments can be made without much uproar and without hesitation told me that the racism not only exists, but it is a part of our culture, whether we like to acknowledge it or not.
It wasn’t until I started to accept and love myself with all my uniqueness and my flaws, that I realized what it meant to be beautiful. Everyone has something unique about them and no one is perfect. Sometimes people consider “different” as a flaw, but it is the opposite. If we are to embrace true beauty, we must embrace the whole person as they are. We must challenge ourselves to reflect on why we consider certain traits as flaws and realize the strength and beauty of diversity. If we would only give those around us who are ‘different’ the benefit of the doubt by believing in them, I am certain we would discover we have been so wrong, for way too long and that it is time to change the way we look at others.
We all have a role to play. My experience working in media has shown me that the media world also prefers fair skin. Knowing the power and influence that the media can have, I believe they have huge potential to play an important role in positively changing people’s mindsets, including toward skin color. The media can start by taking a strong and powerful stance against racism, for example, by banning the promotion of fairness cream across the globe. I believe that parents can also play a role in teaching their children, both boys and girls, that all lives have value, regardless of the color of their skin, and that their future prospects do not depend on their skin tone.
Today, I stand strong and established in my position, and have managed to change the thoughts of those who were worried about me, or worried about my dark skin. White, brown or black doesn’t matter if we can’t contribute to changing people’s life in a positive way. Love people, not the color of their skin.
(The views and opinions expressed by the writers are those of their own and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Feminist Factor)
