To all the men who ask nudes from women!

Asmaul Husna।।

Dear men,

We’re the women of the twenty-first century. Our predecessor women fought for their rights, including education, voting, wages and many more. They trained us for a world where there is injustice, sexual violence, mental subjugation, brutality and the list goes on. In this digital age, one form of harassment we, all women, are going through is digital harassment. Like our predecessors, we’re the fighters, and we’re not going to tolerate this harassment. None should!

One of the dominant forms of this harassment is asking nudes to strangers, friends, girlfriends, partners and others. Here, the discussion is centring on the situation where there is no consent. Undoubtedly, the men who seek nudes from women they don’t respect women. I’m sure the majority of you hate women’s rights and freedom. You consider women as objects, and you feel like it’s your rights to ask any objects for their nudes. I’m not telling you to respect women because that’s another part of cognitive development which your goldfish brain might not hold. Have you guys thought of the idea of respecting yourself a little bit? Are you wondering how? Oh yes, by not looking for nudes from women. Still, confused? How can you respect yourself by not asking the nudes from women? Well, it’s easy-peasy. The moment you ask for the nudes, you’re demeaning your human identity a little, you’re disrespecting of the body which gave birth to you a little, you’re identifying yourself as a pervert a little.

Have you heard of Laura Mulvey? If not, you can Google now. From her criticism, let me tell you a bit about voyeurs and Peeping Toms. Voyeurs and Peeping Toms refer to such persons whose sexual satisfactions come from watching. I bet you’ve got that tendency otherwise why would you want to see the nudes? Isn’t it? Mulvey further talked about “male gaze” and criticized it. Drawing examples from the visual media, she discussed the idea of male gaze where there is the tendency to sexualize the women for the male viewers. This male gaze reflects that women are ‘the spectacles’ and men are ‘the bearer of looks’. So, if you think in the same way and proud of your male gaze, I would say you’re on the wrong track. You’re a voyeur, a Peeping Tom, and you have a male gaze. These are the things you should be ashamed of yourself when you ask for the nudes.

You need to understand a straightforward idea. Women have millions of tasks to do in their lives. They aren’t here to take care of your sexual needs. I believe you think women are inferior to you. That’s your one-sided belief. For your superiority, you think you can own women. But the reality is you can’t. As long as you’re a human being and also the woman is a human being like you, you can’t own the woman. None can own any individual’s human beings because we all are destined to die. So, the thing is as you can’t own women, as women aren’t inferior to you, you can’t want the nudes from women whatever your reason is. Women aren’t here for your service. I would say get a life of your own and live that instead of harassing women online.

Many of you, in some period of your life, say thing like, “Hey, if you really love me, send your nude. Show that you trust me.” I’ve seen many girls sharing their nudes unwillingly just to show love or trust. Though it’s out of my head how a nude picture can prove love? Anyway, when these girls are bound to send, you believe it’s consensual. Sorry, it’s not. It’s called passive consent. Because you’re either manipulating or passively forcing them to send the nude in the name of love or trust, so, stop this manipulation, I would say.

There are also situations where it’s being agreed by both, men and women, to share the nudes for expressing the ‘realness’ of a relationship. Nice gesture! Enjoy! But, have you ever thought of taking the responsibility of this outcome when the adventure goes wrong by hackings, lost phones or other electronic devices? When the nudes go viral, it’s not your one when all men share it on the social platform; instead, it’s the women’s nudes that go viral. Character castration of the women continues, not yours. As you can’t take the responsibility of misadventures, you should stop asking for the nudes.

See, I’ve already shared you the ABCD of online harassment and misadventures of the nudes. Now, it’s your turn to reflect on your thoughts. Please take a deep breath and remember you have to deal with the fighters who didn’t leave Harvey Weinstein for the crime he committed 25 years ago. If you do wrong, today or tomorrow your actions will hunt you down.

P.S. There are more versions of harassment like sending dick pictures, porn videos, GIFs and so on. There are harassments of homosexual people facing online. I will write about it some other day.

Yours sincerely,

Whom you think a ‘nobody’ but to the world a ‘somebody’