Feminist Fathers – what the world needs today
Ishrat Binte Rouf ।। There is general misconception that feminism is only limited to women and it is synonymous to hating men/misandry. If I share my experience, I started to know about gender dynamics, theories and practices through Dhaka University’s courses on Women and Gender. As I gathered more knowledge, I completely related the real situation with my society and surroundings. After all these years, I realized that women’s welfare is still not completely possible without men, especially in our subcontinental society. To bring changes, what the world needs today is – Feminist Fathers.
Who is a Feminist Father?
The one Who Supports Equality: A feminist father never differentiates between the male and female child. We all have seen Meena, where Raju always got two eggs while Meena got one. Though this is a common scenario in our culture to provide best food to our male heirs, a feminist father always ensures equal shares on plate, on reading table and in life. The children who are raised with this kind of outlook on life from childhood, will practice the same with next generation.
Unfollows the Gender Stereotype: “Is cooking cleaning women’s work?’’ – if you ask this question to 10 people around you, 9 people will answer yes! Women working outside, women taking challenging male dominated jobs, working remotely or out of country – are still not widely accepted. Like that, men perusing arts, music, cooking, child rearing are despised badly. A feminist father breaks this stereotype and creates atmosphere to pursue the children’s desired occupation/hobby/subject to study. I knew a family who stopped their daughter’s dancing classes when she hit the puberty. After that her academic results started to drop too. Though no one understood the correlation between the dancing classes being stopped and poor academic results, the mother realized that it had a psychological impact as dance classes were her only entertainment. After leaving that, she became depressed. If the father had more involvement with the daughter, he would have realized that and could have taken measures to keep her psychologically healthy. I know men in Dhaka, who are stay in home fathers and does freelancing from home, while their wives are working in offices, even some are abroad perusing career/studies. A child raised by such men who do not follow existing gender dynamics are no less parent than regular ones. Rather the children of feminist father learn to be more peaceful person with higher options of choose from and lesser psychological pressures; they learn to respect other genders and contributes in creating more humane society.
A Feminist Father is the One Who Shares the Care: Domestic works are always granted as women’s work. Home or abroad, Low or high-income family – the scenario is pretty similar. A feminist father understands the tremendous pressure women face in doing all the household chores alone. He is empathetic towards the female members of family and takes his share of work. A feminist father understands the home is everyone’s and to maintain a healthy family life, it is very important to share the care.
Does not Glorify the Wage Gaps: “I pay the bills; I am the decision maker of family.” – most overused sentence of all times. Whether a father earns more than working counterparts, or the father is the only bread earner – these kinds of attitude clearly glorifies the wage gap. Parents should teach – money is important, but more important is peaceful coexistence of all human being irrespective of income, gender, color. If we get back to that overused sentence that glorifies wage gap – the feminist father would say here – “Your mother and I both equally work hard for this family and both our opinions are equally valuable”.
Teaches Boys can Cry, Girls can fight: A feminist father keeps the all options open for children. He teaches us that pain, sadness, upset ness are not signs of weakness rather normal human emotions. He conveys the message that failure is okay, being unsuccessful is okay, trying the best is important. Feminist fathers makes their children more humane. Here boys can cry without being bullied, it is normalized that boys may not become successful and rich, girls can fight strongly too, girls can become head of families and companies.
Respecting all Genders: What is most important is in present world is– to have the harmony of every gender. World is changing every day. There was a time when male children are only brought to this world and girl children were killed. Will not say this does not happen now, but women are equally equipped to rule in this digital era. Feminism is not only for women; it is the equality of all genders. Men, women, Transgender, Binary, Non-Binary – everyone counts in. Feminist father teaches children not to be scared, misbehave or avoid the Hijra community what normal people does.
Teach others: Feminist fathers are so less in numbers, but their good practice is so impactful. Their family practices should be conveyed through social media / writeups/ books and journals – just like I am doing.
My father raised both us girls with pragmatic knowledge on equality. My mother was a national singer and I saw her going to her classes and shows every other day. This taught us – everyone has their choices and no one should create obstacle in that. My father and mother had their routines chalked out and there were days when my father cooked the whole meal when my mother was outside for her work. Usually, cooking was mother’s routine and all the cleaning was fathers. This taught us – societal gender roles are vague. When we grew up, we divided our chores too. He taught us to respect all the human, also to be kind to animals and nature. My father never refrained me from perusing education, hobby, careers. I was active in media and returned home late – my father never said bad things to me. I went abroad alone in my fellowships and he is so proud of these. This proves that feminist fathers give more choices to life which is healthy and beneficial for everyone. I chose my life partner at age 31 – my father never pressured me rather always said, never rush in marriage. I did whatever I wanted, I wore whatever I liked, I chose whatever I found it right for me – he was always there to support and guide.
We’ve just celebrated the Father’s Day of 2021 and this world needs more Feminist Fathers. Good parenting is hard, Feminist Fathers can make this hard task easy for themselves and most importantly the children which will surely ensure gender equal world in future.
Ishrat Binte Rouf: Lecturer, Development Practitioner
(The views and opinions expressed by the writers are those of their own and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Feminist Factor)
