Raise a boy not a man but a true gentleman
Shabira Nupur: When I first came to Dhaka with a job, I used to go to visit my parents almost every weekend. Every Thursday I used to take the night bus from Gabtoli and reach my village the next day early morning. I can remember the whole night I used to sleep without any fear. Even sometimes I was the only woman passenger. I never had any thought about being raped or abused. It was 2003/2004.
From 2006 to 2012 as the nature of my job I had to travel a lot. I traveled across the country by using local transport and stayed in a local hotel. Never felt unsecured during my travel time instead got support from everyone whom I met.
But now I get scared to travel by local bus and staying in hotels. Even I do not feel comfortable to go out after evening. When I go out with my husband, I always try to make sure not to use any quiet road. Fear is killing me.
Last few days social and mainstream media was flooded with news on rape and abuse against women and girls. A girl was kept in a church and raped by a Priest, 70 years woman raped, A new bride raped in front of her husband. Rapists are from every profession-Imam, teacher, leader, grandfather, brother, uncle, friend, actor, police, journalist. But there is a common connection among all of them. That is, they all are men with a penis. I did not see any news in any media where a girl/woman raped a boy/man. That means all rapists are men. So, it is Men’s problem, not women. So, it is time for Men to rise, protest, and stop rape or any kind of abuse against women and girls.
And all of them did not learn how to control desire and show respect to the opposite sex.
I did not want this kind of country where in 17-years of age I felt safe, but I do not. We supposed to have a country with an increasingly improved secured environment for girls and women. But instead of being safe, we are going through the worst time ever. We should have learned a lesson from the war of 1971, where hundreds of thousands of women and girls were raped that we will not be like that. I also remember when in childhood I saw the drama of the 1971 liberation war where militaries were cruelly raping women, I thought rapists are the people like Panjabi Army. But now the situation I see I feel they can be anyone around us. What a Bangladeshi people learned.
Around 1000 girls and women raped in the last nine months. All ages girls and women are in this number. And note that all are reported cases. General people came to know about most of the cases via social media. And after getting noticed by social media and showing protest administration and law enforcement agencies started to act. We do not know what happened with most of the cases. We noticed that in most cases Perpetrators are from powerful groups. And they are protecting rapists.
Why rape is happening? Why we are not safe at home, school, and communities? Why we woman cannot move freely? Why we must take all blame on our shoulders? Why rapes are blamed to be the reaction of women’s dress? why we hear behave properly otherwise you can be abused?
Let us look at our families. How we raise a boy into a man? Being a baby boy to a man, it is a privilege. He enjoys all opportunists during his growing up time. He never learns from the family how to respect a girl or woman and treat equally with respect and dignity. Our families never teach our boys to treat girls equally. In most cases, in families, a man never treats his wife with love, affection, respect, and dignity. Also, elder members do the same thing towards their daughters-in-law. In many family’s women cannot raise their voice against any injustice, inappropriate behaviors against them. Boys do not see many girls along with them in the playground. Boys never offer their hands in household chores. Even when a boy starts to watch cartoons and other video games, they do not see equal portraits between women and men. From a family when a boy comes to a bigger world like an educational institute where they do not get the learning to respect women and treat them equally from the very beginning. Because of our curriculum, textbook, teachers’ thoughts and behaviors also not gender-sensitive. So, from the very beginning boys grow up to see women are in suppression, Physically and mentally weak, can’t raise voice/show protest, create all problems at home and society, no equal space in a family discussion, and most importantly no need to ask women’s consent for any situation/decision. Basically, the whole society shows a boy how to behave with a girl inhumanly, poorly, and dominantly. So, when a boy becomes a man then he continues to apply the same behavior with women that he learned and seen from his childhood.
As our whole system is almost leading by men and It is hard to get gender-sensitive policy & structure from where women can get equal opportunity, space, rights, and respect. That is why without movement we do not see proper actions have been taken by the state and women get justice. I cannot understand why we need to start a movement for every case of violence against women. It is the role of the state to create an appropriate society where every girl and women will be treated equally with respect and dignity. In any incident that happens against a girl or woman the Law enforcement agencies will address it fast, they proactively act, not move after any social movement starts.
For rape cases, we urge the state to initiate a fast trail and complete the case within 90 days. Train all government officials and law enforcement agencies to be gender-sensitive and knowledgeable on international and national policies and laws on protecting women. Create an enabling society to protect girls and women from every kind of abuse, violence, and exploitation. If anywhere any abuse, inappropriate treatment occurs to women, men will be the first one to react and save women, not make their voice align with the perpetrator to prove them innocent and save the men species honor. Ensure gender-neutral curriculum and textbook for students from play to tertiary level. Trained all teachers to follow the gender-sensitive way in education institutes. Make the environment gender friendly for girls and women by improving structure (separate toilet, breastfeeding corners in all public places like airport, cinema-hall, stadium, markets, etc.
Political leaders must not provide any shelter to any rapist in their group. They can act as a role model to show true respect towards women member in their parties.
Media can play an important role to bring a positive attitude towards women in society. They must take into consideration that they will portrait women respectfully in news, theater, add, drama, and movies.
At last, I like to ask what makes a true gentleman? Is it his suit and tie? No true gentleman is not about a nice/branded suit and tie. It is all about how he is behaving towards his surrounding people especially women, the elderly, children, people with disabilities, and all races of people. How he is showing respect to women. How he is treating the women in his family and acquaintance?
Let us support a boy by showing and teaching him how to show respect to women, how to treat women with dignity and equity. Support him to grow as a true gentleman, not a man.
And let us raise our girls as independent and confident so that they can stand strong on the ground.
(The views and opinions expressed by the writers are those of their own and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Feminist Factor)
