Women of Steel
Lamia Mohsin।। In a stereotypical Bengali household, being a homemaker is akin to a lifetime of bonded enslavement, being a working woman is nothing but a form of pseudo empowerment and being a young female adult means that failure to abide by the evening ‘curfew’ is dealt with a barrage of sexist insults.
From childhood, we see our mothers trying to juggle their multifarious roles as a homemaker, mother, wife, hostess, daughter-in-law, sister-all at once. Our mothers feel a constant, overpowering need to satisfy everyone, and the irony here is that, after channeling years of effort into playing the ‘ideal’ version of every feminine role, they are unhappy from within. What could possibly be worse than decades of unfaltering service being reciprocated with ingratitude and insensitivity? Quite ridiculously, even after countless experiences of dealing with the ingrained toxicity of a patriarchal context, they refuse to learn a lesson and remain persistent people-pleasers. The social norms religiously followed by older generations of our womenfolk are the ones that have kept them in shackles. In the verses of Alejandro Jodorowsky, – `Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness.’
For young adults born in a middle/ lower-middle class Bengali family, having ‘fun’ comes with a fair share of guilt, and for girls, discriminatory attitudes within the family is commonplace. Permission to attend a hangout requires hours of convincing, and post-6 pm hangouts are unimaginable for many. Most girls have very few or no recollection of tours/trips with friends, simply because they are never allowed to go on any of them due to `security concerns’. Where boys of the family enjoy unrestrained freedom, girls are put on a leash. God forbid, if a girl is actively engaged in extracurriculars, has a large friend circle consisting of males or has a part-time job as a result of which she returns home late at night, there is no escape from demeaning labels of ‘bokhe jawa’ (undisciplined) or ‘obhodro’ (ill-mannered) and remarks such as- ‘Which girl from a respectable family stays out so late?’
The very norms which inhibit girls in our society dictates the principles of key social institutions such as marriage. As the day of graduation/post-graduation looms nearer, so does the impending pressure from families to find a suitor. Soon, overly-nosy extended relatives become the primary reasons for avoiding family gatherings. A girl wanting to delay marriage to pursue ambitious career plans is taunted using ‘Who will marry you 2/3 years from now?!’
Times are indeed changing, but a lot more change is yet to be ushered in. The stereotypes and norms fixing benchmarks of morality need to change as well, so that no girl or woman is deprived of her basic human right-the right to freedom. It is time that we put in all our efforts to build a generation of fearless women who can protect themselves, who refuse to tolerate injustice committed against them, and who are in charge of their own lives.
May we be them, may we know them and may we raise them. And perhaps then, we would be able to taste freedom, in its truest sense.
(The views and opinions expressed by the writers are those of their own and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Feminist Factor)
