Nothing is a death knell unless you make it so

Raihanatul Jannat ।।  It is not a death knell to be a woman who has a child or five. I know of fabulous women who dare to live a life I absolutely do not envy, and still flourish – both personally and professionally.

It is not a death knell to be a woman who has no children or have no interest in being a mother to a human child. I know of fabulous women who dare to live a life that is not according norms at least in many societies, and still flourish – both personally and professionally.

It is not a death knell to be a woman of a certain age and not be married. I know of fabulous women who defy the common understanding that you need a man or a guardian to provide you with security and happiness, be it financial or social.

It is not a death knell to be a woman who feels the need to be a stay at home parent or spouse – if they are absolutely sure that it brings them joy. I know of so many of our mothers and grandmothers – who lived through their family’s happiness and needs. On a personal note, I strongly disagree with it but just because it will not work me can not mean it will not for others too.

It is not a death knell just because family, friends, or just random acquaintances tell you something is impossible.

All the people who will tell you of the many ways you are dooming yourself – are only looking at your path through their eyes. They may have decided for themselves that it is beyond their capacity to accomplish but that does not mean it is a death knell for you.

In my mid 20s, I was told by a woman in her 30s (purely unsolicited opinion) that I am not as strong as I think myself to be. It’s been close to a decade now since that conversation. Did her statement come true and become a death knell for me? Not really. But, that is truly because I did not let myself believe her opinion of me.

In my mid 20s, I was told by a man slightly older than me (purely unsolicited opinion) that the best course of action for me personally was to get married and be a housewife. Did his statement come true and become a death knell for me? Absolutely not.

In my teens, I was told by a teacher that because I am absolutely terrible at maths, I was going to fail in life and I should get married as soon as I am 16 to avoid that failure. I am still bad at maths and I am still thriving so needless to say that was not a death knell for me too.

Many of these people are just simply vile toxic human beings and find enjoyment in causing others sorrow. Others genuinely believe in something being a death knell based on their perspectives, and dare I say, shortcomings.

The moment you let their words become your death knell is the moment you endorse their opinion of you over your own.

Do what your heart asks you to do. It always knows what is good for you. After a certain age, and especially when you are an adult with full mental capacity – no one else can know what works for you.

It is one thing to ask for directions from a human you look up to but it is a totally different thing to believe their vision for you and let their words and perspective drive you to the finish line.

 

(The views and opinions expressed by the writers are those of their own and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Feminist Factor)