The Essence of a Woman

Anbarin Parisa Swadheenata ।। We feel sad, lonely, and miserable, yet we live on and anticipate tomorrow will be better. Uncertain fears manifest within us as things shatter without a sound inside. Mentally we are unsecured, occupied but emotionally we are strong. Time glides by the fears take shape. Each mood reflects a fear waiting in the darkness. They grow deeper and deeper along with the ignorance we display towards these emotions, traumas, and memories. We move on, chained to the past. Our wings are pinned for the sake of freedom. Our sacrifices are consequently an element to be valued as a woman. The word ‘Woman’ carries tremendous weight. Thus every action must be deemed. We are pitied, shown sympathy publicly, and saved mostly after facing heinous mistakes.

Yes, ‘mistakes’ because we are to be mistreated, misjudged, misunderstood, underestimated, dominated, violated, abused, molested, raped, used as sacrifice, objectified, then a drop of hope shines on us, our only hope that is, we are to get justice.

Justice may be within the realm of possibility either wise a victim carries a life sentence. Justice can be mediocre when linked to the name of a woman. Even when we achieve fair judgment, we undergo trials repeatedly in places where we live, work, visit. By the time eye contact happens, a verdict takes place. Thus we shall lower our heads and stay silent to live. Nevertheless, ‘Peace’ is only a desire we nurture within.

These keep on repeating years after years which formed a classified standard, called the ‘Society.’ Which is believed or feared to be the highest judgmental ground of all. This supreme society is neither an object nor a place. It is a thought or can be said a trending mentality nowadays. The founders or creators are unknown even so it is an unofficial law supervised by many socials.

This writer wants to share a few emotions with the dear readers. A child’s mind comprises the seven bright rainbow patterns, enthusiasm, livelihood, and breathtaking ideas. In a flick of the moment, that beautiful mind goes blank, her body turns cold as if frozen by fright, her heart at the brink of shattering. Terrified amongst the crowd, the unknown suffocation and discomfort when groped from behind left her soul wounded. When looking back in a confused and uneasy state, the child witnesses the sinister smile of a demon, who was not bothered by the destruction caused within the object he was using to ease his demonic lust. That was the first time she faced abuse.

In the unstoppable wave of time, the child overlooks such memories and moves on. She grows more than her age, understands more. She is always alert, cautious, and wary of crossing her boundaries mistakenly. Stay at home when there is no urgent work, do not wander alone, cover appropriately, do not get so friendly with the opposite sex, mind your behavior, and so on to protect yourself. Learning self-defense amidst the day-long school lessons and coaching classes is necessary.

At a point, it is not about being self-dependent but self-protected because some others will surely try to protect you when you can no longer be protected.

The child is now more matured, and again she gets pushed down a well where darkness, insecurity, regret, remorse, and hatred dwells. She is losing trust and faith in freedom. Eventually, she surrenders to living her life residing in a cage, lost in thoughts, wandering about the outside world.

Neither did anyone fight for her nor observe her change. The benefited ones were the guard who spoke dirty to her in weird gestures on the empty stairs on her way to the playground. The strange man who was boasting his manly organism at the sight of her in the crowd, making disturbing gestures which were somehow entertaining to him at a fair she visited. Whenever she is taken advantage of, she reaps great remorse, anger, and disgust in her heart and eventually harvests hatred for being such vulnerable in the eyes of those men. She despises herself and never trusts strangers.

Misfortune befalls her, faith gets shaken, horrified as her family relative harbors ill intentions towards her. There forms a hollow space in her heart with an unknown dept. She moves on, with a heavy heart, broken and arranged countless times. Even so, she pushes herself forward. Breaking free from all her obstacles, she addresses her past to be now her strength to fight for herself and unapologetically lives on being the best of herself. Comfortable in her perfect imperfections. It is said, ‘Pain shapes a woman.’

(The views and opinions expressed by the writers are those of their own and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Feminist Factor)