Is age just a number?
Sadia Akter ।। Age 30 and unmarried! Never have I ever thought of being single at 30. So I will be turning 30 this December, when I was in my early 20’s, all I have ever dreamt was being happily married to the ‘Shah Rukh Khan’ of my life, who’ll rescue me from all the troubles and sadness of life.
Well now I know those were not the actual troubles I was having! Those were actually the good days of my life! The youth! Trouble is earning money, trouble is paying your own bill, and trouble is paying your outfit! Trouble is choosing the right partner. Trouble is fighting your loneliness!
When we used to sit at local tongs (tea store), I remember our ‘guy’ friends used to talk about earning money, they used to make plans of earning money through tuitions, small business etc! And what we girls used to think/ talk about? We used to think of studies, shoes, dresses, looks, getting married, love, heartbreaks! Guys when they had a break up, all they used to do was, a night out of Dhaka and chill and forget and move on. From early childhood, guys are taught the fact that, ‘honey, you have to earn your life and feed your child’, and girls are taught, ‘honey, you need to find a BCS officer/government job holder so that he can take good care of you.’
This entire learning made girls dependable emotional and we live in the infatuation of ‘love’ that is going to rescue us. Whereas never this is the reality. If we look at our grandmothers/mothers, who were dependent, we can clearly picture someone continuously at kitchen, so their life is earned, they have worked very hard to get the clothes they wore! Nothing comes free!
So now at this age of my life, I realized, love is nothing but a give and take relationship! No one except your mom loves you unconditionally in this world. And my entire childhood of ‘romantic movies’ is a lie. To the young parents, please tell your girl child, this world is no bed of roses, no one is going to save her from anything, and she has to pay for herself, make her realize that if she’s studying, that is in fact for the sake of earning money! Yes, gathering knowledge is important but that is not the main purpose we all by now know! Earning money, using your brain from early age, how your knowledge can earn, make a difference in the family, society and country, this one important message is very important.
Coming back to where I have first started, so I will be turning 30 this December, what is bothering me? My age, fear of loneliness, fear of being ugly and not having the baby face anymore! So do I have social pressure of getting married?
Well, to some extent yes, but not like it is bothering me, because there are only a few question from here and there, and that is understandable. But what bothers me more is my financial stability, how am I going to pay the bills, food, my desired outfit, when will I be able to buy my own house, own car? Will I have savings? Now see, in my early 20’s I dreamt of having a partner, love, children, and fairy tale life! And these 5 years have made me realize the reality of life! So if there’s a guy, it’s fine! If there’s no guy, it is also fine! I may cry seven days over a break up but the stress of everyday food, allowance insecurity is something you can never realize unless you go through it. I wish someone in my childhood taught me the real tragedy of life, the real meaning of life! Surviving is important and how you survive this is very important. I regret of not thinking of my own benefit earlier! I regret of not being able to negotiate! I regret of having a knowledge that didn’t taught me how to survive your early 30’s being single and lonely!
(The views and opinions expressed by the writers are those of their own and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Feminist Factor)
